Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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