bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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