I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
