he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
