Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
