you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
