I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
