By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
