He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
