I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
