4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize