he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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