Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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