worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
