the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
