So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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