just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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