our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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