Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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