are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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