Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
