i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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