My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
