WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize