Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
