I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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