told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
