remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
