So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
