Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize