There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
