you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
