Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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