Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
