We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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