How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
