Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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