In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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