seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
