okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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