So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i've created a new STD.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
