When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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