You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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