oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Mom said you looked used
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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