..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
