why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
