i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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