those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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