Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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