I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
