I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
