watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
