Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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