I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
