Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
