um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
