R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
