Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
