This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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