I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
