i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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