I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
