dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Alive.
So much puke
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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