I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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