Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
