I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
