11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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