I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
