I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
