Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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