So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He felt like a one man threesome
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
