Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
