Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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