Moan for me like Helen Keller
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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