Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
