I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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