Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
