you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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