did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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