They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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