fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize