If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
