i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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