She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
