You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize