can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my phone needs a breathalizer
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
