I am puke
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
