I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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