the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Boobs are out for the taking
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
