Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
