If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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