I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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