dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize